5w1d - Ultrasound

My husband and I went this morning for our first ultrasound at 5w1d. My RE does them every week from 5w1d through release, normally 9w1d. Here's what we saw:

Two sacs. :) They're within the size range for this point in pregnancy (.5 to 1cm) and my beta is 6800+. By my calculations, it should have been around 4800 if it was doubling, but with twins it would be higher.

We're being really, really cautious since next week at 6w1d is when things starting going wrong for us last time. My RE is really optimistic that we have the issues figured out and calls me himself now for all my tests. We're just really hoping and praying that we see two little heartbeats next week and that these babies stick and become our live, healthy babies.

Scared

My first ultrasound is Monday at 5w1d and I am scared out of my mind. 6w is really when things started going down hill last time, but the pressure not only to see how many sacs there are, but that they're the right size, that they maybe have a fetal pole, etc. is terrifying.

I feel pregnant. Oh my god do I feel pregnant. I'm nauseous after almost anything I eat and somethings I eat make me sick right away (BBQ chicken pizza for example). I'm bloated too. Like, even the "loose" jeans that are a size bigger are getting slightly tight around my lower tummy. I just know that I felt pregnant last time too. :( I really, really hate these scary feelings. I just want to be happy.

2nd Beta

It almost tripled! It went from 99 on Friday to 271 today! :) My RE called me himself to tell me and he sounded really happy for us. My first ultrasound is on the 27th at 5w1d to check how many sacs there are, then at 6w1d for heartbeat(s). :)

Beta #1!

I moved up my beta to this morning instead of Sunday since I had a positive HPT yesterday. I tested again this morning and holy dark line! It's about twice as dark as it was yesterday, so I had a good feeling about the beta.

I waited all day (went in at 7am, was home by 7:40) for them to finally call back. At 2pm, my phone finally rang and the nurse gave me the good news. My beta was 99 at 7dp5dt. They normally look for 100 at 9dp5dt! I go back on Sunday to have a repeat beta drawn to make sure it's doubling, then they should be able to schedule my first ultrasound for around the 28th to check how many sacs there are. :)

The one kinda blah thing is that my RE is starting me on Lovenox. My MFM didn't feel it was really necessary, but my RE is being extremely cautious and having me do that, plus low-dose aspirin and 6.4mg of folic acid for my MTHFR. I'm happy he's being so cautious, I'm just so freaking sick of shots. More than likely, I'll be on the Lovenox, once a day, until my third trimester.

I just want this baby(ies) to stick this time. We want this so bad and were so heartbroken last time when I miscarried. I so hope that we have the issues figured out and we have a live baby(ies) come the end of March.

Moved up my beta & ET story (late I know!)

I decided after laying down to try and make up for some of the sleep I lost getting up to test at 4:30am that I wanted to move my beta up. So tomorrow morning, I will get up at 5:30am (and probably pee on another stick lol) and go in for a beta two days early. They would look for ~100 on Sunday, so I'm hoping for ~50 tomorrow. This way I'll get two betas in before my husband has to travel for work next week to make sure their doubling.

Also, I'm already getting sick to my stomach on and off. :( This happened a little right after my beta last time before I got really sick, but this is earlier than last time. I don't know if it's my body remembering this part or what. My husband said, "Oh god, if all three took, Dr. M (my RE) is so babysitting for us." :) I got comfortable with the idea of twins last time before the miscarriage, but triplets honestly kinda scares me. Beyond all the health implications for both me and them, the pressure of carrying triplets to try and get as far as you can is a lot of stress I know I will project on to myself no matter what. First and foremost, we want a sticky, live baby this time. The rest we'll worry about as it's dealt to us. We're strong, our marriage is strong, and we have amazing family support. We'll make it through this. :)

ET Story:

I didn't really get the chance to go over my transfer since my husband planted me on the couch as soon as we got back and told me to stay there unless I had to pee for 3 days. :) That's way, way more than my RE tells you to do (he says to take it easy for the first day, then just no exercise, lifting, alcohol, caffeine, etc.) but my husband and I are just more comfortable being cautious since we're OOP and this was our last fresh IVF.

On day 3, my RE called us and told us we had 5 of our six fertilized embryos still growing and all perfect. We were so much happier knowing we had some rockstars and that they were going strong. On day 5, we went in for transfer at 6:30am, got changed and waited for my RE and the embryologist to come talk to us. I could see the picture as soon as the RE walked in and knew there was a quality issue because there was three blasts in the picture. For a little background, for our first IVF, we were given the option of 1 or 2 blasts to transfer. We picked two and both implanted, although only one had a heartbeat and grew. We told ourselves we would never put more than two back.

When our RE told us the quality of the blasts, I pretty much knew we were putting three back. My husband and I had discussed what we would do if there was quality issues. If there wasn't two perfect or even very good ones to transfer. The quality of our blasts this time was not the perfect 4AA that we had the first time. We had a 4BB, 3BC, and 2CB (I think on the last one, I can't remember exactly). So, based on the recommendation of our RE and the embryologist, we put all three back and hoped none of them divided into identical twins if they all implanted.

Here is a picture of the blasts that at this moment, are snuggled in and hopefully creating our live, sticky baby(ies):

(Left is the 4BB, middle is the 2CB, right is the 3BC)

Because, this is what *I* do at 4:30am...

at 6dp5dt. Apparently, here we go again folks. Please, please snuggle in tight little one(s) and be our live baby(ies).

Feeling a little better

After the rough morning with getting our fert report and just being upset at our awful fert rate, I made a comment to my husband that when I was depressed I either want to shop or eat, both of which are bad. lol He told me I could go shopping if I wanted if it would make me feel better and I suggested going to one of the outlet malls here.

I always wanted a large Coach bag but never wanted to spend the $350-450 that they cost. I love my Kate Spade purse but it was discounted from $350 to $150 because it was an older style, so I was willing to ask for it for our anniversary. I knew that I liked some of the older Signature Hobo bags from Coach, so I decided to check out the Factory Outlet to see if they had anything reasonable.

I looked through all the regular sale stuff, then I spied the clearance section with an additional 50% off the lowest price. I peeked at a few different ones and then I noticed a bag with the Signature pattern fabric on a higher shelf. I pulled it down and it was the large Hobo I was looking for in black! I figured it would still be pretty pricey, but was so happy to find that it had been marked down from $350 to $110!!!

My husband is so incredibly sweet and told me to get it. He did a little retail therapy too (some cookies from Pepperidge Farm and shirts from the Gap Outlet) and we both left feeling a little more optimistic. We're expecting a day 3 transfer at this point and just hoping that our embies keep growing so we can transfer them back Wednesday morning.

We've even discussed putting 3 back instead of two if we have three and any of them have compromised quality. This is our last chance at a fresh cycle. We have one frozen from the first IVF to do a FET with and then after that, we need to consider our options with the rest of our loan money. Right now that's Donor Sperm/Egg or adoption (which we can't use our loan for and would take us several years to save up for). We're hoping this is it, but we're prepared that this may not work and we may have to give up at least half of our biological connection to our children.

Fert Report - Not good...

Out of 26 eggs, only 14 were mature. They ICSI'ed all of them and only 6 fertilized. SIX. ICSI fertilization rate should be 70%, and this time and last we're getting less than 50%. If this time repeats last, only a third of what fertilizes will make it to blast, so we're looking at 2 to put back, if they keep growing. -sigh-

I asked my RE why our fertilization rates are so awful and he said it could be a sperm issue or egg issue, but sperm issue is more likely. I just want a child that looks like my husband and I. I want to carry our baby. I don't understand why crackheads and people that hurt and kill their kids get them and my husband and I can't.

His mom said on the 4th that he would be a good dad and that's all I want for him and I'm so hurt and sad that I won't be able to give him that. It absolutely breaks my heart when he tells me that he's broken and that he's the only reason we have to do IVF because all he wants is for us to have our own family. I hate this so much and I can't stop crying at the unfairness of this.

ER this morning!

I was hoping for 15-20 eggs and they got 26! :) Even the doctor was pretty amazed and happy that they got that many. It seems as though the sting of all those Menopur shots apparently paid off. lol We'll get the call tomorrow letting us know how many fertilized and are growing, but for right now I'm sore, but happy. :)

Triggering Tonight!

That is the verdict! I pretty much knew yesterday that I was going to trigger tonight after talking to my RE but it was confirmed this morning. My lining is up to 13mm, +2 type and I have some nice 21mm and 20mm lead follicles. :) So I'll trigger tonight, go in tomorrow again for another check to make sure everything looks good, then go for ER Sunday morning! :) That means beta will be on 7/19. Let the countdown begin!

Day 10 of Stims

I'm getting so close to no more stomach shots! Here's the bits and pieces I remember from this morning:

E2: 1650ish (this is a huge improvement from my 5k+ last time)

Lining: 10mm, +1 type (!!)

Right Ovary: 17mm lead follicle, another 7-8 between 14 and 16, 6 more less than 10

Left Ovary: 2 17mm lead follicles, another 7-8 between 14 and 16, 5 more less than 10

Right now, they're estimating around 20 eggs retrieved. I'll do stims again tonight, recheck tomorrow morning, then hopefully trigger tomorrow (Friday) night. I'll go in again Saturday morning to check things again after the trigger, then have my ER on Sunday! My RE will be out of town this weekend, so it will be the female doctor doing my ER, but my RE reassured me that she does a great job. He even said that she usually gets more eggs than he does, so I guess I can't complain.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for lots of perfect eggs to fertilize, a great fert report, and hopefully lots of embies to transfer and freeze. Lets hope we achieve a pregnancy this time that results in a baby and those frozen embies can be used for research into some really important diseases. :)